Sunday, November 27, 2011

Union Rules Hookers

(Originally heard this from a college buddy back in 1983)

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No,' she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20", she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde. "I'd like her", he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir", said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next!"

Monday, November 14, 2011

An Amazing Deal On IPads!

I've always wanted an iPad, but could never afford one. Now this is an amazing deal! Just $1, and it's totally legitimate! I already have mine!

If you are interested in getting an iPad I know someone who has a bunch that he has to get sold off immediately.

These are legit -- not off the back of a truck! They are from a canceled hospital contract due to Government cutbacks in health care.

Obviously, the numbers are limited -- he has just 20,000 iPads, and at $1 in original packaging, you know they're going to go really fast.

I got mine already -- the photo of one satisfied customer is below!

Get back to me as quickly as you can if you want one too.

We can show kids how to really save money. Who doesn't have a buck lying around to get in on this great deal?!?

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man with pad on his eye


Oh, "iPad", "eye pad" -- what's the difference?

Coat of Arms finalized!

At long last, after learning all sorts of cool things I can do with the Gimp,
I finally completed the design for my personal Coat of Arms!


Now I need to find a place that will produce a nice hand-painted plaque with
a customer-supplied design. The services I've run across have no mechanism
to handle a customer-supplied design; they only offer packages where they
design the thing themselves based on the customer's last name.

My research into heraldry traditions revealed that a coat of arms was supposed
to be different for each individual, though each son's version was based
on his father's (and grandfather's, great-grandfather's, etc.) design in a specific
manner. Then when the father died, the eldest son adopted his father's design
but the other sons continued to use their modified versions.

The various traditions also morphed over time and weren't really followed
consistently in many cases, so ultimately I decided that it's entirely appropriate
for me to design my own coat of arms based on my ancestral lineages, and
to evolve the heraldric traditions in accordance with societal evolution that
has occurred since medieval times.

In today's society, women are no longer thought of as second-class citizens.
In light of that, I've incorporated both my father's (Abreau) and my mother's
(Moran) family crest designs into my shield, in the manner commonly used
when two different kingdoms were joined together by marriage. I've affixed
a "mullet" (5-point star) to indicate that I'm my parents' third son; I've replaced
the armored helmet with a blue fedora; and instead of choosing an animal to
represent my basic virtues, I chose instead two of my intellectual heroes:
Thomas Jefferson, and Charles Darwin.

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Blink, and you miss it!

Well, it finally happened. On October 31, when I was distracted and didn't think to check the clock, the official headcount of the population of our planet crossed the 7 billion mark.
There are now more than 7 billion human begins living on the third rock from our Sun!

We passed the 6 billion mark on October 12, 1999. The 5 billion mark was crossed on July 11, 1987. The 4 billion mark is estimated to have been reached in April 1974, and the 3 billion mark in July 1959.

Pretty soon it will be standing room only!

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Introducing: Plato's Magical Mystery Cave

Time for a fresh new perspective! "Perdition's Obsessive Compulsion", an oblique reference to the legend of Captain Van der Decken and the "Flying Dutchman", has now been renamed "Plato's Magical Mystery Cave"! Hooray! :e